Dating and relationships – energizing or draining?

Watch out for hidden land minds!

California girl

My last experience with the Colombian took a lot out of me, but I still wasn't done yet.  I went on a Christian dating site, and put in a very specific search, found two women. One in California, and one in Texas. Bonus, they were both on this continent! After a few email exchanges, I started to chat on the phone with the California girl. She stated that her background was Netherlands, and I could pick up a slight accent. We seemed to really click on the phone…. it was really easy speaking with her. She told me that she followed her ex-husband around thru 19 countries when they were married before he went through what she called a mid-life crisis, and ran away with a younger woman. From what I saw in her pics, and how she came across on the phone, she seemed like a really beautiful woman with a real faith that was less religious focused. After a few long calls we discussed where the best airport would be to fly into, and what things we could do around her area. She was sounding quite excited about meeting me. She had recently had some surgery, and was more available then normal to chat on the phone, as her mobility was not up to normal.

She needed physical Chemistry
She stated that although I sounded and looked like a great guy, physical chemistry was very important to her. Thus she requested that I send as many pics as possible to her. I quickly found 4 pics that showed me in a favourable light and sent them to her. We had been responding fairly quickly to each other and I was surprised when I heard nothing after 24 hrs. I finally contacted her via text. I told her I had sent the pics. She stated that she hadn’t received them. After a few moments, she responded to me, “Did your pics show you without a shirt on?” I stated that one of them did as I had just exited the hottub in my yard. She stated that this was a deal breaker. She indicated that she received a pic with some inappropriate skin photos  (a guys penis) in her last encounter with a guy through online dating and realized that all he wanted was sex. She then stated that me having no shirt on in one of my photos reminded her of this. I said after everything we have talked about including faith, etc, you are going to lump me in as a pervert based on one topless photo out of 9 pics you saw of me. She apologized and said yes.

Negative past Experiences – Trauma
After a about 20 minutes, she called me back and explained that it may seem extreme to me, but she is just trying to put boundaries in place to protect herself. Her ex husband broke her heart, which caught her completely off guard, and these guys and their penis pics were almost as traumatic to her. After a long conversation, she seemed to understand that I was not like these other guys who never attempted to reach her again when she dismissed them. I was persistent because I knew who I was and that my motives were good. She agreed with me, but after some more clarifications, she stated with some dismay, that she could not give our relationship any opportunity to go further. It seemed that because she was quite traumatized by her earlier experiences that her flight mechanism was in full effect, and as a result she could not help herself. The fear that I would be like these other perverts was insurmountable in her mind, even though she realized that logic implied that this was likely untrue.

Feeling Very Discouraged
This really crushed me. It felt like I had stepped on a hidden land mind. I was so disappointed, that I felt like God was against me. How does this kind of thing happen to me! This was the last straw, and my energy felt so low. I knew that I wouldn’t be looking a relationship any time soon.

Two months later (June2013), I received a text from her telling me that she had found someone. I asked her why she was sharing this with me. She stated that she thought I would understand. I texted her back that I may understand her traumatic symptoms, but that I have feelings too. In our last conversation, I said to her, she implied that she couldn’t see me because she thought there may be a chance I was a “slime ball”. Why would I care about her future success… and then added, “I hope it turns out well for you”. To me this was just weird. Did I learn anything from this? I learned I suppose that at any age over 30, it is hard to find anyone without unresolved baggage.

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